3, Sure Fire, No Bullshit, Totally Complete Ways to Take Your F**king Life Back….Promise
By: Miss Adventures
It’s Wednesday at 9:49pm and I am surrounded by one thing I adore most in this world: blissful silence – other than my uber motivational music in the background. It’s in these times I can focus, I can write, I can THINK without having to entertain anyone, can clean out my inbox, go through the hundreds of messages my need to follow up folder, delegate, get caught up with all of the shit I was distracted from doing (thanks to emotional vampires) and getting shit done without having to worry about what everyone else needs, when they need it or what they want with whatever (sorry, but true) whiny, bullshit, “me, me, me” requests that people have at any given moment, without ever taking into consideration how much I have to do as a CEO of a company – because that’s the truth. And, this blissful silence is what I need more of, if we are being honest and what not.
Honestly, today, as a whole has been a plethora of blissful silence for the most part, and I am grateful for that too. At 5:21 today, I drove to a local park, and walked/semi-jogged 2.24 miles in 30 minutes….which is damn good for a stage 4 cancer patient, I heard songs on a random playlist that I was somehow supposed to hear in these moments, in succession; that motivated me: First was Katie Perry and Firework, then Kelly Clarkson, Mr. Know it All and finally, this one….Fight Song. Thank you Universe. Again.
Yes, I was tired when I was done, and yes, I came home, showered, got straight into my PJ’s and was ready for bed by 7pm, but it’s still progress, for me. Good progress. Especially because I listened to random queues from the Universe…again. For once. As stubborn as I am…that’s huge.
Yet, I digress.
Here’s the thing about how I need blissful silence from time to time, and what I want to teach you today: You need it too, no matter who you are.
Even if you aren’t the CEO of a company, I can almost guarantee that you are (also) inundated by far too much of other people’s bullshit….because they don’t think you have anything better to do. And, here’s the thing: that’s YOUR fault. Unless you fix it. So? Here’s how. Because, quite frankly, you DO have better shit to do.
1. Know you…and love whoever the hell you are.
I am NOT perfect. I am FAR from it, in fact. I am a work in progress until I am six feet in the ground, burnt to a crisp or buried at sea. I am not giving you concrete life advice. I am giving you my observations, my musings, what works in this moment, what I know, versus what I don’t. And here’s the thing I have learned after 36 years….love whoever the hell you are….flaws and all. Then? Fix the flaws, one at a time. Baby steps, a day at a time.
STOP buying into the Facebook private messages, the emails, the gossip and the BULLSHIT that people with WAY too much fucking time on their hands have to spread. Truly busy, successful people don’t have TIME for that shit, nor should you have time to read it. I don’t. So stop it!
At the same time, no matter who you are right here, right now, love her, love him, more than anyone else on this Earth…but also work on that person every day. Be HARD on yourself. Be your worst tough lover. Don’t accept mediocrity. Do better. Don’t be that vapid, stupid asshole who accepts handouts, the easy way, the cushy bullshit job that works for now but doesn’t work forever…find a way, make a way, look forward, THINK BIGGER. Challenge yourself. STOP LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLE’S BULLSHIT PROBLEMS. Love them, say you feel for them, move on, but don’t make judgments based on someone else’s skewed, bullshit perceptions.
Here is the truth: If you don’t take the time to love you, no one else will. And, while this might seem harsh, that’s the God’s honest. Don’t like it? I don’t care. That’s one thing I learned at 36 that most don’t learn until 70 or 80….after countless conversations with elders. History doesn’t lie. People do, though. So you have a choice. You can lie to yourself (and to everyone else) or you can start telling yourself the truth and stop justifying your own bullshit (because there is a lot of it) – wow, that hurt, didn’t it? I would say I’m sorry, but…I’m not. Because I am guilty of the same.
2. Set your boundaries….no matter who hates them…and then stick to those mother fuckers.
People who know you, who are used to getting their way with you, do not, WILL not, like you setting boundaries. Tough shit…again. You deserve your time to do what you have to do when you have to do it, and you don’t owe a single person on this planet an explanation for that. All they need to know is that you are busy, trying to focus or working on something that means something to you and they need to respect that. If they don’t respect YOUR time, they don’t respect you. Again, harsh, but true.
If your friends and family have codependent habits (addressed in point three), they will be your WORST critics, but it’s these folks who need your message of boundaries to be HEARD loud and clear and with RELENTLESS, surgical precision. People will get mad. And they will either get over it, or they will not. Either way, they don’t pay your bills, they don’t know the conversations between you and God. That’s not their business. You’re not in the employ of pleasing people, you have a bigger purpose than that. So? Do that. Because until you have YOUR shit squared away, you have no business taking care of anyone else – myself included.
3. Get rid of codependent bullshit and don’t settle for anything less than productive conversation.
Over the past five years, I have been systematically been getting rid of codependent people, and of unbecoming the codependent, angry, hateful person I once was – unknowingly, most times (and still working on this) but that’s the process. That takes work, it takes effort. It takes taking steps back, often, to recognize codependent and unhealthy behaviors in others that we exhibit ourselves. I still (granted) have a lot of work to do on myself, but I can tell you this, I have recently taken a step back to re-evaluate co-dependent people in my life, taken a step back, cut them off temporarily and watched the subsequent breakdown. And I did NOT like what I saw. At all. No thank you. That’s all I need to know. No more. Thank you very much. I know what I can live with, and what I can live without, and sometimes the good doesn’t outweigh the bad.
It’s not that I don’t care or am empathetic for these folks, but I am just no longer in the business of participating in the problem, even if my presence is the problem. And, if my presence is the problem, that’s an easy fix. I will remove myself from the equation entirely. Problem solved.
Co-dependent relationships are not, nor will they EVER be healthy relationships. If someone lives ONLY for you, it might “seem” sweet or romantic, it’s not. Especially not if you are an independent person. That type of shit will set you on the resentment train faster than you can count to five as an independent individual – as it should.
If people are meant to co-exist, to have a relationship, it shouldn’t be on one supporting the other all the time or the other waiting for attention, it should be an EQUAL exchange, but those two people should be able to co-exist without the other, and THRIVE regardless of the other. Everyone should bring something unique and expandable to the table. Period. There should NEVER be codependent habits. That's unhealthy. It's sick.
Which is why I will only thrive with a partner who thrives with, or without me. Which is why will only entertain the idea of a partnership of someone who isn’t only my intellectual equal, but also my emotional equal, sans co-dependent bullshit.
And, ladies, if you need a man to pay your bills, pay for your plastic surgery, your lipo, your vacations, your ANYTHING, you are a weakling, a pansy, a sissy, a complete waste of human skin – guys too. And I, quite frankly, despise and have ZERO respect for such types of people (as does any other independent, intelligent woman/man alive), and always will. What you NEED is a partner, someone who understands you, not someone who finances you. So pretend all you want, but people figure it out…eventually. But, I guess I forget, you’re too busy figuring out who you can bang for your next Botox injection right nowt to be bothered with such intellectual drivel. More power to you. For now. All hail codependent bullshit. (Note sarcasm)
You want your life back? Cut the bullshit. It’s that simple. I love you.So? Work harder, be better, take your life back. This is your fight song. Take back your life song. Listen. Learn. Apply.
All my love,